Those Phrases shared by My Father Which Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."